My sim Miranda, a chef, came home from work at 1 am. Her husband Marvin went outside to greet her. “Please,” I whispered at my game of The Sims. “Please don’t have sex right here.” My prayers fell on deaf ears. (NSFW warning!)

I’ve been playing a lot of The Sims 4 recently. There was a huge sale on Origin, so I bought about 75 percent of the expansions and various other DLC, and though I started fairly tamely (I made myself! And then my housemate!) it didn’t take long until I was double-fisting mods and cheats into my hungry mouth.